You know you’re getting old when you’re sick of your own repetitive comments. I for one am pretty sick of hearing myself say, over and over again, “Gosh, it’s Christmas time again? Time sure does fly!”
Our perception of time moves at exactly the same pace for all of us. You’d think I’d know that. But I can be quite a putz at times. Truth be told, I never actually use the word “Gosh” in spoken word, it’s really just a whimsical placeholder in written form for my usual four letter word of choice. But as usual, I digress.
Can you believe another year has passed? In our annual planning meeting regarding this year’s Giddy Card we find ourselves once again mired in a state of strain and indecision. What sort of offensive abomination shall we deem an inappropriate message to share our Holiday wishes with friends and loved one’s this year? Our last few years have produced very few winning selections, and have left behind a long trail of jeers, tears and angry voicemail messages. Seems our annual Giddy card has become as popular as a journalist at a Trump rally. People have reacted with frightening scorn and ridicule for our cardboard greetings. Seems a sense of humor is no longer a universal trait.
As of this writing, we have received a grand total of six Holiday cards here at Giddyland. Normally, by this time, the postman has delivered enough cards to provide us sufficient kindling for the cold winter months ahead. This year, barely enough as use as notepaper to jot down our shopping list for the local liquor store.
Three theories as to a reason as I see it;
Lack of forest raking. That’s right, if those damned liberals out in California had only possessed the foresight to maintain their abundant forests through an effective raking program, they would not have endured the tragedy of those terrible wildfires. The fires destroyed thousands of acres of trees, thereby affecting the lumber/pulp industry…less trees means less paper, less paper means less available generic Holiday cards which means a higher cost. Apparently, high enough to price them out of reach for most of the folks who used to send us cards.
That might be completely wrong, so perhaps another explanation as to why we’ve gotten so few cards this year is that people have just grown tired of the same old joke. As I said, I tend to repeat myself, it’s a cute little perk you get for managing not to die as yet.
My final theory though I think is the most probable cause (this is called foreshadowing and it is a glorious example) is that people have just grown tired. Period. Tired. It seems every conversation I’ve had with virtually anyone who’ll hesitantly step into an ill-advised discussion with me lately centers on one topic. I’m tired.
It’s not just those I speak with who are older, or younger. Not just those of any specific gender, race, religion, ideology or lifestyle. Not just those of any particular party, gang or tribe. It’s seemingly everyone. Why is everyone so damned tired all of the time?
When you’re tired, you don’t want to do anything strenuous. Cause you’re tired.
When you’re tired, you don’t want to wish anyone a Happy Holidays, a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year. Cause you’re tired.
When you’re tired, every part of you is tired. Like your tongue. When your tongue is tired, it’s too tired to lick the envelope that you’d use to send a nice card to The Giddy’s. Cause you’re tired.
When you’re tired, you make bad mistakes. Like addressing the Holiday card you meant to send to The Giddy’s to the Suffolk County Red Light program thereby confirming that J.Giddy has not moved out of the country and therefore opening up a veritable can of whoop-ass on those long unpaid camera tickets. Cause you’re tired.
Our cards are stupid, quasi-narcissistic, self-entertaining glimpses into our moods at the moment. Initially, we intended this site to be a continuously updated forum and home to all of what we felt to be a wacky collection of uproarious entertainment. And also a place we could showcase our clever-only-to-us holiday card library. Both actual and rejected, the vision was wonderful.
Then we didn’t really do that.
Cause we were tired.
Nothing stifles creativity quite like exhaustion right?
Anyway, if you’ve read this far, you’re no doubt downtrodden and depressed. Happy Holiday.
If you are, please know that we’re truly sorry for that. We feel bad, and think we should probably make it up to you. Give us a second to think…we’ll think of something.
A RE-RELEASE!!! Yes, for a limited time, you can get your hands on one of these limited edition box sets of The Giddy’s Christmas Albums!
See what I mean – even the jokes are old. And we’re tired. Cause we’re old.
Anyway – here’s this year’s attempt at contemporary humor. Another swing and miss. Oh well, at least we tried, tired or not.